My mom told me never to talk to strangers because apparently
she never had. It was that one particular day at the one particular music
festival when I decided that strangers were the only people I ever wanted to
talk to. They were always more fun.
It was the perfect combination of music, movement, and
momentum that finally brought me to my senses. I refused to be complacent.
Nothing provoked more fear in me than the idea of being stuck in the mundane routines
of life, structured and uninspiring. So when stranger asked if I wanted to go
West I naturally said yes. Because really who doesn’t? Plus it was the way he
asked me, I knew he thought I wouldn’t say yes. But I did and the next day I jumped
in his 1980 Jeep Cherokee with fifty dollars to my name and uneasy feeling in
my stomach. The kind you get when you realize you actually have no control.
Luckily stranger had more experience with moving vehicles and we made it to Colorado in record me my etime. Timing was irrelevant; I was too caught up in everything. For some reason driving down miles of interstate with only the vague promise of west in my future forced me to slow down and just look, absorb the nature surrounding me that has been surrounding me my entire life. We’re so blinded by our selfish pursuits we never relish in the beauty that is here. I
wanted to relish all of it, forever. Stranger’s sudden switch too Bob Dylan couldn’t
have been more perfect. There’s always the perfect music to fit the mood. I
think he could sense a change in me. He had the insight only a person you
barely know can have, without any preconceived notions, lacking knowledge of
the past. You’re bound to disappoint everyone sooner or later.
“Just wait until we get to California” he said.
This post starts out with a great line about how this person’s mom never talked to strangers, insinuating that she is not very daring. Later, when the narrator decides to go off with one of these strangers, they never describe this character. By keeping them as “stranger” throughout the story, it still makes them feel like the kind of person their mother warned them about. I cannot decide if this is the purpose or not but I think that even with a little bit more description, while still keeping the character vague, would really let the reader see that strangers are not that strange.
ReplyDeleteBesides a few grammar mistakes, this blog post did a really good job of conveying the feeling of searching for adventure even though it terrifies you. When they say, “Nothing provoked more fear in me than the idea of being stuck in the mundane routines of life, structured and uninspiring,” you realize that the fear they feel in the Jeep is not as big of a deal. Between the two, the fear of no control is better than the fear of the mundane.
When the narrator writes about finally appreciating the nature that has surrounded them their entire lives, they quote, “We’re ‘so blinded by our selfish pursuits we never relish in the beauty that is here.’” This quote does a good job of explaining the moment but we are never told who says it. Maybe it’s the stranger in the driver’s seat. Maybe it’s out of a book that the narrator is reading in the car. I think that including whom they are quoting will add more interest than just clarity.
Lastly, I think that the image used in this post is spot on. When I think of road trips I think about the sun shining through my windshield to the point where it is all I can see. This photo includes the driver yet we cannot see his face. This works well with the idea of a stranger taking him or her to a new experience.
This blog very creatively and adeptly blended its many elements to create one cohesive sense of exploration. The background for the whole blog sets a theme of youth, unity, partying, and just celebrating for celebrations sake. The narrative follows a young person who decides to forget what their mother said about strangers, talks with a nice enough seeming one, and accepts their spontaneous offer to head west. That’s the plot, but the story is really about how exploring the outside world revealed the substance of this person to their self for the first time.
ReplyDeleteThe opening line is incredibly strong, mostly because the writer notes that their mother’s rule is based in ignorance. That really is the beginning of exploration most times- realizing your parents may not know everything. The standout lines of the second paragraph are when the strangers asks if the writer wants to go west and they “naturally” say yes “because really who doesn’t?” That line is striking because for generations the idea of going west, exploring the great west, etc. from the times of pioneers has indeed been heavily glorified in literature and media. It was also a very strong stylistic choice to refer to the stranger solely as such, not even “the stranger”, just “stranger”. This works so well because the name does not matter just like the destination does not matter so much as the journey. Furthermore, the stranger is said to have the insight only someone who does not know you can, and likewise that is the way the narrator writes about the stranger.
The photo included reflects the journey perfectly as well, as it looks forward, over the shoulder of the driver, not really revealing what lay ahead, just that the car is moving forward. It being a still photo also plays to the title of “slow motion” as the audience can tell the car is in motion but cannot actually see it moving. The added inclusion of the video was refreshing and showed a certain savviness with technology while also providing music that perfectly accompanied the narrative, not to mention mirrored the Dylan reference therein. Dylan sings a question about how many roads a man must travel before he is a man and there couldn’t be a more appropriate sentiment to go with this story of hitting the road to both Colorado and self discovery.
What little improvements can be made are mostly minor. The main one being that “we’re” was used where it seems “were” was meant several times. If that was intentional, the meaning behind the intent was hard to determine.
Also incredibly cool that this blog is set to West Coast time!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this posting because my blog and I can relate to the spontaneous attitude of the writer, encounters with strangers, and the experience of a road trip. I particularly liked the cliffhanger ending “Just wait until we get to California.” I think that more vivid imagery would have helped the reader to get excited to read through the piece. The beginning of the post seems a little scattered and chiefly composed of random thoughts that seem to be in a rush to get to the point where the decision is made for the road trip. Maybe if the first meeting with the stranger was expanded to more detail, or the fear of the mundane was elaborated upon, I think it would make the reading a little smoother. Or, perhaps this was done on purpose to allow the reader to share the writer’s anxious excitement, in which case: mission accomplished!
ReplyDeleteThe image of the man behind the wheel facing the sunlit road is a great image to capture the inevitable adventure that the writer has ahead of their spur the moment trip. However, I would have placed the photo at the closing of the post in order to compliment the last line and to leave the reader with that an image that their imagination can run with until the next piece is posted.
As far as the layout of the posting, I probably would have included a semi-transparent backing because the background image is pretty busy. I also probably would have changed the font color because the white text blends in with the black and white photograph in some areas. On the other hand, I really like the teal color chosen for the title of each posting. I think it contrasts very nicely with the black and white theme of the blog.